so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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