There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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