we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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