dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Is it penis luge time yet?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
this is an emotional support booty call
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
