I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
