Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
They took my balls.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
