i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
