i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
