I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I can't put those talents on a resume
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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