Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
