so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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