I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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