real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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