Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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