Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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