I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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