When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
