Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
