that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
