i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
