If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
