I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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