i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
