At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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