Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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