WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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