I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
