good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
