i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
