goodnight i made you a song goodbye
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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