dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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