If that was your dad, he is hot
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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