yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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