One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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