we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
