Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
and you fell through a lawn chair
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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