she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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