dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
