well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
