I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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