I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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