I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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