She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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