WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
