sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
