hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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