just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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