my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
