so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
