Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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