You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
