the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize