So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
