U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
