Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I touched a dick in church today
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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