That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
