plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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