i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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