my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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