planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
