You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize