I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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