i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
