My sheets look like a crime scene.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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