you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
