why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i think i have herpe
just one?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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