'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
