I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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