Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
